Political science

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Bruce Springsteen and U2 sing for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So? If they want a cow, they should get a job.

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You have to wait in line for hours to get it.
It tastes like ass and is very expensive.

CAPITALISM (AMERICAN STYLE)
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and make a fucking herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY (AMERICAN STYLE)
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours all the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you "have downsized and are reducing expenses."
Your stock price increases.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good, eh?

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably fast, crowded trains and to play piano and violin.
All the cows are at the top of their class in cow college.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year (and watch really weird porn).

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
While lazily looking around, you see three drop-dead beautiful women.
You break for lunch.
Life is good, eh?

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows?
You drink more vodka.
You count them again, and this time there are 24 cows, and they won't hold still.
As you continue to drink vodka, the Russian mafia shows up and steals whatever cows you may have had.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which comes to two.
You don't drink the milk, because you cannot touch any of the cow's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production, which you use to buy AK-47's.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
Periodically, they send tapes of themselves mooing.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French. Other times, he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow is now asking to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best-looking cow.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions and millions of cows.
They make real California Cheese.
Only five can speak English, however.
The best-producing cows are illegal.
Oh, yeah, and Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.